Entries by Eyvonne

The danger in sacrifice

Sacrifice feels good. It feels so good that we can come believe it is the highest response to the call of God on our lives. We think, “If I make enough sacrifices, God will really like me.” We come to believe that God, more than anything, demands personal sacrifice. We think that those who love God the most give up the most for him.

Today, I read words spoken around a dinner table to men proud of their sacrifice. Men who gave ten percent of all they earned to the church. Men who spent their lives learning the ways of God.   They knew sacrifice — giving, fasting, and a life of devotion.   Yet, they were found wanting.

Then it happened that as Jesus was reclining at the table in the house, behold, many tax collectors and sinners came and were dining with Jesus and His disciples. When the Pharisees saw this, they said to His disciples, “Why is your Teacher eating with the tax collectors and sinners?” But when Jesus heard this, He said, “It is not those who are healthy who need a physician, but those who are sick. But go and learn what this means: ‘I desire compassion and not sacrifice,’ for I did not come to call the righteous, but sinners.” (Matthew 9:10-13 NASB)

He desires compassion, not sacrifice.
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Author name:
Eyvonne
Publish date:
November 13th, 2011
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Saying goodbye to great friends

Our last Sunday

 

What words are there for dear friends who are moving away?

I could tell you how my first impressions were so wrong. What I initially thought was shyness and fear I now see as humility, a servant’s heart, and quiet strength.

I could tell you how much your friendship has meant to us — Sunday morning breakfasts, one-on-one lunches and dinners, thoughtful notes and gifts. We cherish every moment.

I could tell you how we’ve treasured that you’ve always been here, quietly working alongside us — willing to participate regardless of the time, energy, or lack of sleep involved.

I could tell you that we’ve noticed your gentle humility and have often longed to be more like you.

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Author name:
Eyvonne
Publish date:
May 30th, 2011
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What to do with despair?

“I have a tendency to despair,” I said in conversation with a friend. The words were a surprise. How is it that I said it so matter-of-factly without having realized it before? I went on to explain, “I see the world as it ought to be — but sometimes the reality of how things are crashes down around me and I become disillusioned.”

I don’t doubt God’s existence. I am not tempted to walk away from the faith. But, I feel deflated. I see hurt and pain. I am disappointed by the poor choices of others, by the willful disobedience in my own life, by brokenness at every turn.

I ask the same question as the agnostic, “God, if you’re there, why don’t you do something!” I feel powerless. Do my questions dishonor God; do I dare ask them out loud? How do I reconcile a hurting world, personal failures, my broken-heartedness, and an all-good God?
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Author name:
Eyvonne
Publish date:
May 24th, 2011
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Strengthened by grace

These days have been unsteady. I watch helpless as families are broken, children are abandoned, and broken women cope with ugly life. My heart breaks slow — the pain filling me silently like the steady flow of a water hose submerged in a wading pool. I want to hide.

I want to flee to a world where families aren’t broken, where suicide doesn’t happen, and where children do not suffer the consequences of their parent’s failures. The voice in my head convinces me of my own uselessness. Running away seems like a reasonable option. There are places I can go to pretend this doesn’t happen.

I am weak and vulnerable.

As this shaky heart searches for answers, I see it tucked right in the middle of Hebrews 13:9: … it is good for the heart to be strengthened by grace.

I linger and reread, it is good. The same words spoken in the beginning to signify the glory of the handiwork of the Father now point to another remarkable truth — the heart can be strengthened by grace.

Grace, the unmerited favor of God himself, is my strength. But how? How do I harness grace to bolster a wobbling heart and frayed emotions?
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Author name:
Eyvonne
Publish date:
May 9th, 2011
Discussion:
1 Comment

Wanting God More

“You have to want God more,” I say to friend. We talk long about relationships and feelings and the confusion they bring. “You have to want Him more than the dream you have for your future. Are you willing to follow God if it never happens?”

With another friend, we talk about babies, tiny clothes, sweet breath, and midday naps. And again I ask, “Do you want God more? A little one won’t magically fill up the empty places. Tiny clothes need laundered, cute noses fill with goo, and peaceful naps don’t always come easy.”

To a third friend I ask, “Do you want God more? More than the deceitful drug that lies about filling you up when it really leave you empty and needing more?”

And I wonder what they think of easy council from a woman who sleeps next to a loving husband every night and wakes to a smiling baby every morning — a woman who has never experienced give-up-everything addiction that always wants more.

In the quiet I think about wanting. Maybe I’ve miscommunicated. Wanting is more than a feeling. It is more than an inner desire. It’s more than answering “Yes”. Wanting God more means leaving behind my dreams and gratefully accepting what He gives. It means trusting Him, even when it hurts.

But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ. Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ (Philippians 3:7-8)

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Author name:
Eyvonne
Publish date:
February 14th, 2011
Discussion:
1 Comment
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