Here are some ways that I can tell when my life is out of balance:

1. My mood is ‘frustrated’: When life is out of balance, I’m frustrated with everything. Instead of gently responding to a child’s spilled drink, I will bark. A simple request by my boss will seem unreasonable. A question from my husband will be met with disdain. Continual frustration is a sure sign that a change is necessary.
2. I feel out of control: When life is out of balance, I feel like I’m no longer in control of my schedule. Mornings are met with dread, not expectation. Every moment seems filled with something I don’t want to do. Ministry work seems burdensome.  My job is more than I can take.  Family responsibilities seem oppressive.  If I feel like running away, I know it’s time for immediate intervention!
3. I am preoccupied with ME: When life is out of balance, I start to ignore other people’s needs. I become selfish with my time. I no longer want to let the kids have a friend over. I don’t want to have dinner with a friend. I want to say, “My time is MINE and you can’t have any!”

When I see these attitudes crop up consistently, I know it’s time to evaluate and make changes. The end result of a life out of balance is personal misery and broken relationships. Next week we’ll look at how to make adjustments to keep life in balance.

How do you know when your life is out of balance?

Earlier in the day, my husband heard a commotion while studying in the living room.   He quickly went outside and  put a stop to the most exciting ride since the Tornado at Six Flags.

He barked, “You’re grounded!” and immediately sent the neighbor children home.

Once inside, he asked our daughter to stand on the bed; he looked her in the eye. With a stern voice he asked her what she was thinking. Her face dropped as she looked at her feet. Without warning, a smile transformed his face, and he said, “Good job! I love it!”  He continued,  ”You’re not grounded. I just didn’t want the neighbor kids thinking it was OK for them to do that.” She beamed!  Her small frame bounced up and down, and she high-fived her daddy. He said again, “Good job!”

I stopped and wondered how her mother would have reacted upon discovering her adventure?

I would have made her stop.

I would have sent the neighbor children home.

But then…..

I would have warned her of the dangers of riding a plastic cooler down the concrete steps. I would have told her how I hate emergency rooms, and copays, and broken bones. I would have asked what on earth made her think it was OK to ride a plastic cooler down the concrete steps right by the road! I would have made her cry.

I would have crushed her adventurous spirit and wounded her tender heart.

When the house was quiet and the kids were in bed, my husband and I shared a laugh about the day’s events. I silently thanked God that my kids have one parent who will encourage their sense of adventure. I also asked him to have mercy and limit our emergency room visits.

I was reminded again that our world is not clean.  It’s not neat.  It’s not pretty.  Children are sometimes exposed to material that is labeled ‘adult’ when it’s not even fit for grown-ups.

I cuddled a little girl’s tiny frame and listened to her sobs.  She’d seen something that she shouldn’t have.  She knew it was wrong, but the images were still in her head.   They wouldn’t go away.  And as her innocent mind tried to comprehend what she’d seen, her lip quivered.  What had entered through the window of her eyes, bounced around in her mind, and seeped down into her heart — finally leapt out in her behavior.

I wanted to pull out a huge mind eraser (maybe the memory erasing light from ‘Men in Black’) and wipe away the bad things that she never should have seen.  Instead, I held her close and prayed with her.  She said she was sorry; I asked for help. I told her that she couldn’t change what happened, but she can change how she reacts from now on.

For this precious little one, the circumstances that started the chain of events were not her fault, but now they are her problem.

I’m reminded of the children’s song, that is so profound:

Be careful little eyes what you see.

Be careful little eyes what you see.

For the father up above is looking down in love,

O, be careful little eyes what you see.

Let us never forgot that what those little eyes see can forever change how they see their world.

I was sitting in a folding chair in the front yard reading a novel and enjoying the crisp, fresh evening air after a quick thunderstorm had come and gone.  Our house is provided by our church which is just a few miles from downtown Louisville.  Our current neighborhood is very different than the upper-middle class, small-town, suburban home from which we moved almost a year ago.

Here, small houses are packed together and airplanes roar overhead.  People in the neighborhood seem to fall into a few broad categories, with a few exceptions.  Some here are retirees or have deep family roots.   They have stayed here as the city grew around their family home.  Some are college students or very young families trying to get their start.  Many are working poor.  This last category is where I would place the young mother who approached me last night.

She had a dilemma.  Someone had given her a Target gift card.  She came to me and explained that it had been years since she’d been in a Target, had no way to get there, and really didn’t even know what could be bought there.  For a moment, I didn’t know how to respond.  The reality of her situation sank in as I realized that this couple doesn’t have a car, they have 4 children, and are well below the poverty line.    A Target gift card was a well-meaning gift, but entirely impractical.  The nearest Target is 6 miles from our house.  She asked if I knew anyone who could use a Target gift card.

I told her I’d be happy to pick something up for her; I’m near a Target every day.   I told her they had clothes and diapers and basic household stuff.  After a long pause, she asked me to get juice and diapers.  She would send one of the kids over with the card.  I stepped back in the house and  realized that I had enough cash in my wallet to cover the amount of the card.  I decided to trade cash for the gift card.   She was very grateful, asked if I was sure, and I explained that, “Really, it’s not a problem.”

I tell you this story not to highlight the plight of the poor in our country, even though their situation is very real.  More than that, I’m overwhelmed by the ignorance and arrogance with which us middle-class folk look at our world.  This sweet lady and I live in the same neighborhood but in two completely different worlds.  I blog, facebook, and twitter.  I have access to technology and a world of communication.  I have had difficulties, but have never lived in a season of true need.  I never question whether or not we’ll have food to eat or a car to get from home to work.  We worry about 401k’s and the stock market.  We’re concerned about what the economy will do to our lifestyle and fret over the ‘sacrifices’ we have to make for the ministry.  I worry that no one will want to read what I write.  Right now, all of that worry looks like a big pile of self-absorbed BOLOGNA.

Today, I am deeply humbled by my own ignorance and assumptions.  I am heartbroken that if this mother hadn’t approached me, I wouldn’t have thought twice about her family’s ability to make use of a gift card.  I am overwhelmed by the depth of need in our world and my fear that I can’t do anything about it.  I wonder if my gadgets, gizmos and lifestyle have built a one way mirror that I can see through, but make me unapproachable from the other side.

Lord, give us eyes to see and a desire bridge the gap.  Help us to use the language of love to communicate, educate, lift up, and encourage.  Continue to break my heart until I see clearly what I need to do about it.

Finally, I’m back!  After several weeks of over-obligation, I decided to step back and just think.  Hubby and I took a few days to get away, JUST the two of us, to a quiet spot in East Tennessee where we could be free of our responsibilities for a few short days.  We did very little other than sleep late, read, talk, shop and eat.  How’s that for the perfect couples get away?

While we were away I realized a few things.  First, I have really missed writing.  It’s something I deeply enjoy and it helps me to arrange the thoughts that swarm through my brain and put them on paper, to organize them, to read them more objectively, and to consider them on a deeper level.  No matter what happens in the future, I will write, even if no one wants to read it.  For me, this is a very exciting realization; I’m turning a new page.

Second, I make too many decisions based on what I think other people’s expectations are.  I think most women do!  So, I’m really trying hard to make decisions without weighting too heavily what other people will think.  I barely have enough room in my brain for my own voice let alone these:  my family, my kids, my boss, my coworkers and our congregation.  I value the opinions of many of the people on this list.  I understand that my decisions impact them in significant ways.  But, only I can know what God is telling me.  Only I can hear his voice to me.  That should be the first place I turn, not the last.  It seems that I often ask everyone around me what they think about a situation and then ask God “Which person’s opinion is right?”  Most of the time I think his answer is “None of them!”

This quote from the great George Muller illustrates what I would like to someday say about how I’ve lived my life.

There was a day when I died, utterly died. Died to George Muller, his opinions, preferences, tastes and will — died to the world, its approval or censure — died to the approval or blame of even my brethren and friends — and since then I have studied to show myself approved only unto God.

Third, new levels of focus and self-discipline must erupt in my life to get where I believe God is leading.  I don’t know exactly everything this means yet.  Right now, it’s adjusting my schedule to make time for what God has called me to do.  I want to say that I’m adjusting my schedule to make time for what I enjoy, because it’s partially true.  Right now, what God has called me to is a task that I enjoy, but there are other things I enjoy that are going to take a back seat.

Finally on a lighter note, life is too short to be so blasted serious all the time!  A good clean belly-laugh might do me good from time to time.  My husband has taught me this lesson quite well recently.  He and the kids made up a family song about our dog, Chewy.    It was sparked by a comment I made about her incessant chewing and it will be forever imprinted into the minds of our children.  Sometimes, I hear the kids singing it out loud to themselves in their room.  Sometimes Chewy sings it herself (in a unique voice performed masterfully by my better-half).  Rolling-on-the-floor-laughing is a mild description of our response to his heartening performance.  I considered trying to sneak a video camera into this masterful family musical, but I will spare him a little bit of his dignity.

Sometimes, goofy is very good.

In my youth, I was in a hurry.  I was in a hurry to be an adult, in a hurry to be self-sufficient, and in a hurry to get my life on a path.  I believed that once I had set my course, found a career, and started my family that life would be in order.  But a strange thing happened.  As soon as I answered questions about who I would marry, what I was going to be when I grew up, and the general direction of my life, new questioned emerged.  Where would we live?  How we would pay the bills?  How would I advance in my career?   Once those questions were answered, another level of even more difficult questions emerged.  How do I raise my children to make the most of their natural gifts and talents?  How do we teach them about who God is and lead them into a relationship with Him?  How do I keep my career in balance without missing my children’s childhood and still performing well at the office?  How much is too much and what is the cost?  And so it goes.

The ministry has given us the great privilege to make friends with people from many different stages of life.  Without these experiences, I would have believed that people in their retirement years would be finished with the questions.  Retirement is the pinnacle.  They receive an income with no work responsibilities, their home is likely paid for, their kids are grown, and life should be freedom and bliss.  But now I see these issues emerge in the lives of so many retirees:

• Coping with the physical separation from children and grandchildren
• Adjusting to a culture than is radically different than the one they grew up in
• Personal illness or the illness of a spouse
• Death of childhood friends
• Troubled children or grandchildren
• Learning to deal with grief and loss as a way of life

There is a song by Sara Groves that captures the struggle so well.   It’s called “What Do I Know” and you can listen to it here.  The song chronicles Sara’s conversation with an 88 year-old friend.

What Do I Know, Sara Groves

I have a friend who just turned eighty-eight
and she just shared with me that she’s afraid of dying.
I sit here years from her experience
and try to bring her comfort.
I try to bring her comfort
But what do I know? What do I know?
She grew up singing about the glory land,
and she would testify how Jesus changed her life.
It was easy to have faith when she was 34,
but now her friends are dying, and death is at her door.
And what do I know? What do I know?

Well,I don’t know that there are harps in heaven,
Or the process for earning your wings.
I don’t know of bright lights at the ends of tunnels,
Or any of these things.

She lost her husband after 60 years,
and as he slipped away she still had things to say.
Death can be so inconvenient.
You try to live and love. It comes and interrupts.
And what do I know? What do I know?

Well,I don’t know that there are harps in heaven,
Or the process for earning your wings.
And I don’t know of bright lights at the ends of tunnels,
Or any of these things.

But I know to be absent from this body is to be present with the Lord,
and from what I know of him, that must be pretty good.
Oh, I know to be absent from this body is to be present with the Lord,
and from what I know of him, that must be very good.

So what’s the point of these heavy observations?  The point is that we cannot  rush through a phase of life because the elusive answer is just around the corner.  Each phase of life has its mix of good and bad.   For each unanswered question there are also great experiences and wonderful memories.  There’s the thrill of the first taste of adult freedom, the excitement of a new job and broadened horizons, the first cry of a newborn, the joy of a giggling toddler, the fun of athletics and activities, and much, much more.

This all reminds me of what Jesus tells us in Matthew:

Matthew 6:19-21

Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

v.  34

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.  (NIV)

And again, Solomon’s conclusions in Ecclesiastes:

Ecclesiastes 12:13

Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the whole duty of man.  (ESV)

It sounds trite, but life really is a journey;  worry is wasted energy;  time doesn’t unwind;  and, once a phase is gone, it does not come back.  Slow down and enjoy life right where you are.

Thought Questions

1. Have there been particular phases in your life that you rushed through because you thought the next one would be better?  What do you miss from that phase of life?
2. What can you do today to start enjoying life more right where you are?

The best of times

It was picture day at our local Upwards Basketball League.  I was standing with my daughter’s group waiting for the harried photographer to usher 7 pom-pom weilding girls into the make-shift photography studio.  As a Valentine’s gift, the girls were given heart-shaped fold-out fans.  In the midst of all the fun and excitement, one girl’s fan broke.   Dejected, she immediately curled into a ball in the floor next to the water fountain.  My sweet daughter comforted this friend by giving her the fan that she had been given.  It was a beautiful moment.  I nearly cried.

The worst of times

Later that day, after an outing with the family, this same sweet girl who selflessly gave her precious paper fan to a friend did something very, very bad.   For her sake, I won’t go into the details except to say she could have been prosecuted.  Her father and I discussed it, made her make ammends with those hurt by her behavior, and we provided an age appropriate, personally painful consequence.

In the same moment I felt love, pride, disappointment and pain.  This little, blonde, 7-year-old, charisma-filled child overwhelmed my emotions.  But she also made me think.

My daughter inherited something from me.  It’s something that I inherited from my parents and something they inherited it from their parents.  If you follow this family tree all the way back to it’s roots,  you will end up at the garden of Eden.

Genesis 3:1-7

Now the serpent was more crafty than any other beast of the field that the Lord God had made.

He said to the woman, “Did God actually say, ‘You shall not eat of any tree in the garden’?” And the woman said to the serpent, “We may eat of the fruit of the trees in the garden,  but God said, ‘You shall not eat of the fruit of the tree that is in the midst of the garden, neither shall you touch it, lest you die.’”  But the serpent said to the woman, “You will not surely die.  For God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.”  So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was to be desired to make one wise,  she took of its fruit and ate, and she also gave some to her husband who was with her, and he ate.

The consequences of this behavior are seen a shortly thereafter:

Genesis 3:22-24

Then the Lord God said, “Behold, the man has become like one of us in knowing good and evil. Now, lest he reach out his hand and take also of the tree of life and eat, and live forever—”  therefore the Lord God sent him out from the garden of Eden to work the ground from which he was taken.  He drove out the man, and at the east of the garden of Eden he placed the cherubim and a flaming sword that turned every way to guard the way to the tree of life.

Did God still love Adam and Eve (and all humankind) after driving them out of the garden? Of course he did. John 3:16 confirms that. However, God did not sugar-coat, dismiss, or deminish the wrong done by Adam and Eve.

I wish that I could tell my children that after they do wrong that everything will be okay.  I would love to tell them that the consequences for their bad decisions won’t be that bad.  Sometimes, I want to protect them from those consequences.   I want to tell them that if they do lots of good, then the bad they do can just be overlooked.  The problem is that those things are not true.

There are certain truths that guide our universe.  One of those is that we reap what we sow.  When we choose God’s way and his path, we reap all the good he has for us.  When we go our own way, we suffer needlessly.  This is just as true for my sweet 7 year-old as it is for me.  As hard as it is, I must help her to see that bad things happen when she chooses wrong.  The goal is for her to learn these lessons while she is still small and the mistakes that she makes are also small.

My kids are just people.  They have wonderful qualities and they each have their own challenges and struggles.  Ultimately, their lives are their own and they will have to live with their choices.  But as long as I can, I will do everything I can to help them see that their choices have a profound impact on the people they become.  That includes allowing them to feel the pain of their wrong decisions and also to point out the benefits when they make right ones.

Lord, give us wisdom, grace, and mercy as they grow.

The emotion of happiness is elusive.  It is temporary and fleeting.  It blows in like the breeze and then blows out again.  But so often, that feeling is the holy grail of our experience.  We chase it.  We yearn for it.  Many have made life altering decisions in the name of “happiness” only to realize their pursuit was in vain.  In light of all of this, where do we look to find the answer?

We need a standard with which to measure our decisions.  I have seen enough bad decisions in the name of happiness to know it cannot be my guidepost.  As we discussed last time, Solomon came to the following conclusion after his journey to find meaning:

Ecclesiastes 12:13

Now all has been heard;
here is the conclusion of the matter:
Fear God and keep his commandments,
for this is the whole duty of man.

What do I do when I don’t feel happy?  The answer is to fear God and keep his commandments.  I have a saying that keeps me grounded when I don’t feel like things are moving in the right direction.

God’s word is true, no matter how I feel.

When I feel like God is not there, I remember that his word says he’ll never leave me or forsake me (Hebrews 13:5).  When I feel unworthy, I remember that ‘he who knew no sin became sin for me so that in him I might become the righteousness of God’ (2 Corinthians 5:21) .  Then I also remember these pertinent verses that help reinforce this truth.

Proverbs 3:5-6

Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make your paths straight.

Philippians 1:6

He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.

Jeremiah 29:11

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Matthew 6:28-34

“And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Thought Questions:

• Are there other verses that provide encouragement when you feel down?
• What do you think of the statement “God’s word is true no matter how I feel?”  Do you think that concept would help you during a difficult time?

Watching the families struggle with the pain is excruciating. The depth of their agony is unimaginable for me. While I sympathize and am deeply compassionate, I hope to never fully understand what they are going through.

Early Friday morning, the weight of it all settled in. I spent some time just talking with God. Explaining to him that I don’t understand. Wondering why people have to hurt so deeply. Praying that God would speak to and comfort the families.

There are a couple of things that I try to read daily. One is the ESV One Year Bible. The other is The Tozer Devotional. I also happened upon this wonderful gem on Friday morning, Daily Light on the Daily Path. This devotional was written in the 1800′s by Samuel Bagster in an effort to teach his 12 children the Bible. This bookstore owner would compile related scriptures and share them daily with his children. Later, his family compiled this collection of daily devotions and published them.

Friday morning, I happened upon this writing which provided comfort and hope in the midst of the darkness:

Morning

And hope does not put us to shame.

“I am the Lord; those who wait for me shall not be put to shame.”—“Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose trust is the Lord.”—“You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you. Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord God is an everlasting rock.”—For God alone, O my soul, wait in silence, for my hope is from him. He only is my rock and my salvation, which is why I suffer as I do.—But I am not ashamed, for I know whom I have believed.

So when God desired to show more convincingly to the heirs of the promise the unchangeable character of his purpose, he guaranteed it with an oath, so that by two unchangeable things, in which it is impossible for God to lie, we who have fled for refuge might have strong encouragement to hold fast to the hope set before us. We have this as a sure and steadfast anchor of the soul, a hope that enters into the inner place behind the curtain, where Jesus has gone as a forerunner on our behalf.

Rom. 5:5; Isa. 49:23; Jer. 17:7; Isa. 26:3, 4; Ps. 62:5, 6; 2 Tim. 1:12; Heb. 6:17-20

I still don’t understand. There was no eureka moment that brought clarity. But a strange calm washed over me when I read those words. It was the calm assurance that He is my hope.

And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:7)

After ‘Mary Did you Know?’ and in the middle of  ‘Beautiful Star of Bethlehem’ my 7-year-old daughter asked a profound question, “Mom, how did God create the world before he was born?” Pause for a moment and let that question sink in. . . . . .

But that wasn’t all.  After my daughter asked this question, my 9-year-old son piped up before I could even answer.

He said, “I know that there are lots of things that are confusing about God, but there was never a time when God didn’t exist.  Confusing isn’t it?”  She said, “Yeah.”  I went on to explain that Jesus has always existed, but that he decided to come to earth so that we would know that God was real.  He died on the cross and paid for our sins so that we can truly know God.   But, that wasn’t the end of the discussion.

My son then said, “There are lots of things that are confusing for humans, like how God is three people in one person.” Then came this (how does a 9-year-old even think about these sorts of things?):

“I asked Daddy, ‘Why did God put the tree in the center of the Garden?’  If the tree wasn’t there, then Adam and Eve wouldn’t have eaten it and then there wouldn’t be sin in the world.  But Daddy said, ‘If the tree wasn’t there then we wouldn’t really be free [to choose God].’”  At this point, the depth of the conversation was making my head spin.

Then, after my son finishes his discourse on why sin entered into the world, my daughter says, “I know what my temptation is.”  When I asked what it was, she answered, and it wasn’t a simple childish concern either.  I’m not going to divulge her own personal admission of what she struggles with, but she was exactly right.  She had thought about it, identified it, and knew her own personal struggle.  Wow! I explained that she could pray and ask God when she felt tempted and that he would help her to overcome it.

As we pulled into the alley behind our house, I told my children how proud I was of them for asking good questions and wanting to know what God says about things.  I thought we were wrapping up the conversation, but there was more . . .

My daughter said, “Of course we’re concerned about these things, we’re Christians.”  I explained that not everyone is a christian and many people don’t really think about what that means or what God wants of them.  I was so glad that they were concerned.  But now, here’s the climax of it all.

My son looked at me and said, “I have a friend and she is not a Christian but she wants to be.”  I asked my son if he had thought about telling her how to be a Christian.  He looked at me with big, green, tear-filled eyes and said,   “But I’ve heard that the teachers aren’t allowed to talk about God and that they’ll get in trouble. I figure I’ll be in trouble if I talk about it too.”  I choked back my own tears and said, “There is a story in the Bible that talks about that.”

We came inside and I opened my Bible to Acts 4.  I read the story of Peter and John and how the authorities commanded them not to speak in the name of Jesus.  But in Acts 4:18-20 the Bible says:

Then they [the officials] called them in again and commanded them not to speak or teach at all in the name of Jesus. But Peter and John replied, “Judge for yourselves whether it is right in God’s sight to obey you rather than God. For we cannot help speaking about what we have seen and heard.”

I looked into the eyes of my dear children and explained that we are supposed to follow the rules to the best of our ability and that we always have to be kind and considerate.  But the Bible also teaches that when we are forced to choose between following the rules of men or following God, that choice is clear.  I then told them, “Mommy and Daddy would be very proud of  you if you got in trouble at school for telling people about Jesus.”

My children aren’t perfect.  They are fallen people just like me.  They will have their personal struggles and will have to find God’s path for themselves.  We are certainly  not perfect parents.  But for one moment, for one conversation, in one night, we could see that God is speaking to their little hearts.  So, for you parents, your children are watching.  They can understand more than you could ever imagine.