Life

The One Way Mirror

MirrorDo you ever have a moment when suddenly you see the world differently?  When you are faced with a reality that sends your reeling and makes you evaluate your entire view of the universe?  Last night, I experienced such a moment.

I was sitting in a folding chair in the front yard reading a novel and enjoying the crisp, fresh evening air after a quick thunderstorm had come and gone.  Our house is provided by our church which is just a few miles from downtown Louisville.  Our current neighborhood is very different than the upper-middle class, small-town, suburban home from which we moved almost a year ago.

Here, small houses are packed together and airplanes roar overhead.  People in the neighborhood seem to fall into a few broad categories, with a few exceptions.  Some here are retirees or have deep family roots.   They have stayed here as the city grew around their family home.  Some are college students or very young families trying to get their start.  Many are working poor.  This last category is where I would place the young mother who approached me last night.

She had a dilemma.  Someone had given her a Target gift card.  She came to me and explained that it had been years since she’d been in a Target, had no way to get there, and really didn’t even know what could be bought there.  For a moment, I didn’t know how to respond.  The reality of her situation sank in as I realized that this couple doesn’t have a car, they have 4 children, and are well below the poverty line.    A Target gift card was a well-meaning gift, but entirely impractical.  The nearest Target is 6 miles from our house.  She asked if I knew anyone who could use a Target gift card.

I told her I’d be happy to pick something up for her; I’m near a Target every day.   I told her they had clothes and diapers and basic household stuff.  After a long pause, she asked me to get juice and diapers.  She would send one of the kids over with the card.  I stepped back in the house and  realized that I had enough cash in my wallet to cover the amount of the card.  I decided to trade cash for the gift card.   She was very grateful, asked if I was sure, and I explained that, “Really, it’s not a problem.”

I tell you this story not to highlight the plight of the poor in our country, even though their situation is very real.  More than that, I’m overwhelmed by the ignorance and arrogance with which us middle-class folk look at our world.  This sweet lady and I live in the same neighborhood but in two completely different worlds.  I blog, facebook, and twitter.  I have access to technology and a world of communication.  I have had difficulties, but have never lived in a season of true need.  I never question whether or not we’ll have food to eat or a car to get from home to work.  We worry about 401k’s and the stock market.  We’re concerned about what the economy will do to our lifestyle and fret over the ‘sacrifices’ we have to make for the ministry.  I worry that no one will want to read what I write.  Right now, all of that worry looks like a big pile of self-absorbed BOLOGNA.

Today, I am deeply humbled by my own ignorance and assumptions.  I am heartbroken that if this mother hadn’t approached me, I wouldn’t have thought twice about her family’s ability to make use of a gift card.  I am overwhelmed by the depth of need in our world and my fear that I can’t do anything about it.  I wonder if my gadgets, gizmos and lifestyle have built a one way mirror that I can see through, but make me unapproachable from the other side.

Lord, give us eyes to see and a desire bridge the gap.  Help us to use the language of love to communicate, educate, lift up, and encourage.  Continue to break my heart until I see clearly what I need to do about it.

Author name:
Eyvonne
Publish date:
May 16th, 2009
Discussion:
No Comments

Goofy is good

ChewyI’ve recently taken a break from my blog because of life’s distractions, general insecurity, and too many competing priorities.

Finally, I’m back!  After several weeks of over-obligation, I decided to step back and just think.  Hubby and I took a few days to get away, JUST the two of us, to a quiet spot in East Tennessee where we could be free of our responsibilities for a few short days.  We did very little other than sleep late, read, talk, shop and eat.  How’s that for the perfect couples get away?

While we were away I realized a few things.  First, I have really missed writing.  It’s something I deeply enjoy and it helps me to arrange the thoughts that swarm through my brain and put them on paper, to organize them, to read them more objectively, and to consider them on a deeper level.  No matter what happens in the future, I will write, even if no one wants to read it.  For me, this is a very exciting realization; I’m turning a new page.

Second, I make too many decisions based on what I think other people’s expectations are.  I think most women do!  So, I’m really trying hard to make decisions without weighting too heavily what other people will think.  I barely have enough room in my brain for my own voice let alone these:  my family, my kids, my boss, my coworkers and our congregation.  I value the opinions of many of the people on this list.  I understand that my decisions impact them in significant ways.  But, only I can know what God is telling me.  Only I can hear his voice to me.  That should be the first place I turn, not the last.  It seems that I often ask everyone around me what they think about a situation and then ask God “Which person’s opinion is right?”  Most of the time I think his answer is “None of them!”

This quote from the great George Muller illustrates what I would like to someday say about how I’ve lived my life.

There was a day when I died, utterly died. Died to George Muller, his opinions, preferences, tastes and will — died to the world, its approval or censure — died to the approval or blame of even my brethren and friends — and since then I have studied to show myself approved only unto God.

Third, new levels of focus and self-discipline must erupt in my life to get where I believe God is leading.  I don’t know exactly everything this means yet.  Right now, it’s adjusting my schedule to make time for what God has called me to do.  I want to say that I’m adjusting my schedule to make time for what I enjoy, because it’s partially true.  Right now, what God has called me to is a task that I enjoy, but there are other things I enjoy that are going to take a back seat.

Finally on a lighter note, life is too short to be so blasted serious all the time!  A good clean belly-laugh might do me good from time to time.  My husband has taught me this lesson quite well recently.  He and the kids made up a family song about our dog, Chewy.    It was sparked by a comment I made about her incessant chewing and it will be forever imprinted into the minds of our children.  Sometimes, I hear the kids singing it out loud to themselves in their room.  Sometimes Chewy sings it herself (in a unique voice performed masterfully by my better-half).  Rolling-on-the-floor-laughing is a mild description of our response to his heartening performance.  I considered trying to sneak a video camera into this masterful family musical, but I will spare him a little bit of his dignity.

Sometimes, goofy is very good.

Author name:
Eyvonne
Publish date:
May 14th, 2009
Discussion:
No Comments

What do I know?

The march of life has been on my mind a great deal lately.

In my youth, I was in a hurry.  I was in a hurry to be an adult, in a hurry to be self-sufficient, and in a hurry to get my life on a path.  I believed that once I had set my course, found a career, and started my family that life would be in order.  But a strange thing happened.  As soon as I answered questions about who I would marry, what I was going to be when I grew up, and the general direction of my life, new questioned emerged.  Where would we live?  How we would pay the bills?  How would I advance in my career?   Once those questions were answered, another level of even more difficult questions emerged.  How do I raise my children to make the most of their natural gifts and talents?  How do we teach them about who God is and lead them into a relationship with Him?  How do I keep my career in balance without missing my children’s childhood and still performing well at the office?  How much is too much and what is the cost?  And so it goes.

The ministry has given us the great privilege to make friends with people from many different stages of life.  Without these experiences, I would have believed that people in their retirement years would be finished with the questions.  Retirement is the pinnacle.  They receive an income with no work responsibilities, their home is likely paid for, their kids are grown, and life should be freedom and bliss.  But now I see these issues emerge in the lives of so many retirees:

  • Coping with the physical separation from children and grandchildren
  • Adjusting to a culture than is radically different than the one they grew up in
  • Personal illness or the illness of a spouse
  • Death of childhood friends
  • Troubled children or grandchildren
  • Learning to deal with grief and loss as a way of life

There is a song by Sara Groves that captures the struggle so well.   It’s called “What Do I Know” and you can listen to it here.  The song chronicles Sara’s conversation with an 88 year-old friend.

What Do I Know, Sara Groves

I have a friend who just turned eighty-eight
and she just shared with me that she’s afraid of dying.
I sit here years from her experience
and try to bring her comfort.
I try to bring her comfort
But what do I know? What do I know?
She grew up singing about the glory land,
and she would testify how Jesus changed her life.
It was easy to have faith when she was 34,
but now her friends are dying, and death is at her door.
And what do I know? What do I know?

Well,I don’t know that there are harps in heaven,
Or the process for earning your wings.
I don’t know of bright lights at the ends of tunnels,
Or any of these things.

She lost her husband after 60 years,
and as he slipped away she still had things to say.
Death can be so inconvenient.
You try to live and love. It comes and interrupts.
And what do I know? What do I know?

Well,I don’t know that there are harps in heaven,
Or the process for earning your wings.
And I don’t know of bright lights at the ends of tunnels,
Or any of these things.

But I know to be absent from this body is to be present with the Lord,
and from what I know of him, that must be pretty good.
Oh, I know to be absent from this body is to be present with the Lord,
and from what I know of him, that must be very good.

So what’s the point of these heavy observations?  The point is that we cannot  rush through a phase of life because the elusive answer is just around the corner.  Each phase of life has its mix of good and bad.   For each unanswered question there are also great experiences and wonderful memories.  There’s the thrill of the first taste of adult freedom, the excitement of a new job and broadened horizons, the first cry of a newborn, the joy of a giggling toddler, the fun of athletics and activities, and much, much more.

This all reminds me of what Jesus tells us in Matthew:

Matthew 6:19-21

Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

v.  34

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.  (NIV)

And again, Solomon’s conclusions in Ecclesiastes:

Ecclesiastes 12:13

Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the whole duty of man.  (ESV)

It sounds trite, but life really is a journey;  worry is wasted energy;  time doesn’t unwind;  and, once a phase is gone, it does not come back.  Slow down and enjoy life right where you are.

Thought Questions

  1. Have there been particular phases in your life that you rushed through because you thought the next one would be better?  What do you miss from that phase of life?
  2. What can you do today to start enjoying life more right where you are?

Author name:
Eyvonne
Publish date:
March 7th, 2009
Discussion:
1 Comment

The Best of Times and the Worst of Times

handcuffsParenting is often a study in contrasts.   Contrasts between parents and children.  Contrasts between children.  Contrasts within the same child.  One moment a child can demonstrate selflessness, caring and sacrifice that will melt a mother’s heart.  The very same day they can display selfishness that warrants criminal prosecution (I wish I were exaggerating).  I had such a day with my dear 7 year-old daughter this weekend.

The best of times

It was picture day at our local Upwards Basketball League.  I was standing with my daughter’s group waiting for the harried photographer to usher 7 pom-pom weilding girls into the make-shift photography studio.  As a Valentine’s gift, the girls were given heart-shaped fold-out fans.  In the midst of all the fun and excitement, one girl’s fan broke.   Dejected, she immediately curled into a ball in the floor next to the water fountain.  My sweet daughter comforted this friend by giving her the fan that she had been given.  It was a beautiful moment.  I nearly cried.

The worst of times

Later that day, after an outing with the family, this same sweet girl who selflessly gave her precious paper fan to a friend did something very, very bad.   For her sake, I won’t go into the details except to say she could have been prosecuted.  Her father and I discussed it, made her make ammends with those hurt by her behavior, and we provided an age appropriate, personally painful consequence.

In the same moment I felt love, pride, disappointment and pain.  This little, blonde, 7-year-old, charisma-filled child overwhelmed my emotions.  But she also made me think.

My daughter inherited something from me.  It’s something that I inherited from my parents and something they inherited it from their parents.  If you follow this family tree all the way back to it’s roots,  you will end up at the garden of Eden.

Genesis 3:1-7

Now the serpent was more crafty than any other beast of the field that the Lord God had made.

He said to the woman, “Did God actually say, ‘You shall not eat of any tree in the garden’?” And the woman said to the serpent, “We may eat of the fruit of the trees in the garden,  but God said, ‘You shall not eat of the fruit of the tree that is in the midst of the garden, neither shall you touch it, lest you die.’”  But the serpent said to the woman, “You will not surely die.  For God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.”  So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was to be desired to make one wise,  she took of its fruit and ate, and she also gave some to her husband who was with her, and he ate.

The consequences of this behavior are seen a shortly thereafter:

Genesis 3:22-24

Then the Lord God said, “Behold, the man has become like one of us in knowing good and evil. Now, lest he reach out his hand and take also of the tree of life and eat, and live forever—”  therefore the Lord God sent him out from the garden of Eden to work the ground from which he was taken.  He drove out the man, and at the east of the garden of Eden he placed the cherubim and a flaming sword that turned every way to guard the way to the tree of life.

Did God still love Adam and Eve (and all humankind) after driving them out of the garden? Of course he did. John 3:16 confirms that. However, God did not sugar-coat, dismiss, or deminish the wrong done by Adam and Eve.

I wish that I could tell my children that after they do wrong that everything will be okay.  I would love to tell them that the consequences for their bad decisions won’t be that bad.  Sometimes, I want to protect them from those consequences.   I want to tell them that if they do lots of good, then the bad they do can just be overlooked.  The problem is that those things are not true.

There are certain truths that guide our universe.  One of those is that we reap what we sow.  When we choose God’s way and his path, we reap all the good he has for us.  When we go our own way, we suffer needlessly.  This is just as true for my sweet 7 year-old as it is for me.  As hard as it is, I must help her to see that bad things happen when she chooses wrong.  The goal is for her to learn these lessons while she is still small and the mistakes that she makes are also small.

My kids are just people.  They have wonderful qualities and they each have their own challenges and struggles.  Ultimately, their lives are their own and they will have to live with their choices.  But as long as I can, I will do everything I can to help them see that their choices have a profound impact on the people they become.  That includes allowing them to feel the pain of their wrong decisions and also to point out the benefits when they make right ones.

Lord, give us wisdom, grace, and mercy as they grow.

Author name:
Eyvonne
Publish date:
February 17th, 2009
Discussion:
No Comments

. . . No Matter How I Feel

What is happiness?  Is it having the family all cuddled up on the couch in front of the fire?  Is happiness alone-time with a good book and no interruptions?  Is it the deep sense of satisfaction for having done a good days work or helping someone in need?

The emotion of happiness is elusive.  It is temporary and fleeting.  It blows in like the breeze and then blows out again.  But so often, that feeling is the holy grail of our experience.  We chase it.  We yearn for it.  Many have made life altering decisions in the name of “happiness” only to realize their pursuit was in vain.  In light of all of this, where do we look to find the answer?

We need a standard with which to measure our decisions.  I have seen enough bad decisions in the name of happiness to know it cannot be my guidepost.  As we discussed last time, Solomon came to the following conclusion after his journey to find meaning:

Ecclesiastes 12:13

Now all has been heard;
here is the conclusion of the matter:
Fear God and keep his commandments,
for this is the whole duty of man.

What do I do when I don’t feel happy?  The answer is to fear God and keep his commandments.  I have a saying that keeps me grounded when I don’t feel like things are moving in the right direction.

God’s word is true, no matter how I feel.

When I feel like God is not there, I remember that his word says he’ll never leave me or forsake me (Hebrews 13:5).  When I feel unworthy, I remember that ‘he who knew no sin became sin for me so that in him I might become the righteousness of God’ (2 Corinthians 5:21) .  Then I also remember these pertinent verses that help reinforce this truth.

Proverbs 3:5-6

Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make your paths straight.

Philippians 1:6

He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.

Jeremiah 29:11

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Matthew 6:28-34

“And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Thought Questions:

  • Are there other verses that provide encouragement when you feel down?
  • What do you think of the statement “God’s word is true no matter how I feel?”  Do you think that concept would help you during a difficult time?
This post is in response to MamaBlogga’s Group Writing Project. It’s been fun and has made me think a little harder, which is a great thing.  Check back on Thursday for a link to my favorite contributor to this project.

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Author name:
Eyvonne
Publish date:
February 3rd, 2009
Discussion:
2 Comments
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