I came home from work yesterday and learned that my 8 year-old daughter rode down the concrete steps in front of our house while sitting inside a plastic cooler.
Earlier in the day, my husband heard a commotion while studying in the living room. He quickly went outside and put a stop to the most exciting ride since the Tornado at Six Flags.
He barked, “You’re grounded!” and immediately sent the neighbor children home.
Find out what happened next …
I sat at my table alone — watching. She was 11, bright-eyed and full of imagination. Her confidence was soaring. She was bubbling over with enthusiasm. She spoke with clarity, passion, and intelligence.
Across the table was her father, completely focused on her every word. He responded to her ideas. He probed and prompted more discussion. She paused and pondered after he spoke, then responded with dancing eyes and expressive hands. Without a hesitation in her words, she propped her sneaker-clad foot on his knee. He patted her calf in acknowledgment and continued the conversation.
I was mesmerized. Neither of them, by themselves, would have been remarkable. But together, they were thrilling to watch.
He never once looked at a cell phone. He didn’t check his watch. He didn’t have a newspaper or a magazine. He was there. All there.
In one moment, I saw the answer to all that ails our world. As I eavesdropped on this family moment, I thought:
At home, I looked at my two bright-eyed children. I remember the times I’ve responded to their ideas with a single word:
“Really?”
“Uh huh.”
“I see.”
“Wow.”
“That’s great.”
Do I really listen? Do I really give my children my focused attention? Not enough.
I remembered the anonymous man who is changing the world. Today, I will really talk to my kids.
Do you ever have a moment when suddenly you see the world differently? When you are faced with a reality that sends your reeling and makes you evaluate your entire view of the universe? Last night, I experienced such a moment.
I was sitting in a folding chair in the front yard reading a novel and enjoying the crisp, fresh evening air after a quick thunderstorm had come and gone. Our house is provided by our church which is just a few miles from downtown Louisville. Our current neighborhood is very different than the upper-middle class, small-town, suburban home from which we moved almost a year ago.
Here, small houses are packed together and airplanes roar overhead. People in the neighborhood seem to fall into a few broad categories, with a few exceptions. Some here are retirees or have deep family roots. They have stayed here as the city grew around their family home. Some are college students or very young families trying to get their start. Many are working poor. This last category is where I would place the young mother who approached me last night.
She had a dilemma. Someone had given her a Target gift card. She came to me and explained that it had been years since she’d been in a Target, had no way to get there, and really didn’t even know what could be bought there. For a moment, I didn’t know how to respond. The reality of her situation sank in as I realized that this couple doesn’t have a car, they have 4 children, and are well below the poverty line. A Target gift card was a well-meaning gift, but entirely impractical. The nearest Target is 6 miles from our house. She asked if I knew anyone who could use a Target gift card.
I told her I’d be happy to pick something up for her; I’m near a Target every day. I told her they had clothes and diapers and basic household stuff. After a long pause, she asked me to get juice and diapers. She would send one of the kids over with the card. I stepped back in the house and realized that I had enough cash in my wallet to cover the amount of the card. I decided to trade cash for the gift card. She was very grateful, asked if I was sure, and I explained that, “Really, it’s not a problem.”
I tell you this story not to highlight the plight of the poor in our country, even though their situation is very real. More than that, I’m overwhelmed by the ignorance and arrogance with which us middle-class folk look at our world. This sweet lady and I live in the same neighborhood but in two completely different worlds. I blog, facebook, and twitter. I have access to technology and a world of communication. I have had difficulties, but have never lived in a season of true need. I never question whether or not we’ll have food to eat or a car to get from home to work. We worry about 401k’s and the stock market. We’re concerned about what the economy will do to our lifestyle and fret over the ‘sacrifices’ we have to make for the ministry. I worry that no one will want to read what I write. Right now, all of that worry looks like a big pile of self-absorbed BOLOGNA.
Today, I am deeply humbled by my own ignorance and assumptions. I am heartbroken that if this mother hadn’t approached me, I wouldn’t have thought twice about her family’s ability to make use of a gift card. I am overwhelmed by the depth of need in our world and my fear that I can’t do anything about it. I wonder if my gadgets, gizmos and lifestyle have built a one way mirror that I can see through, but make me unapproachable from the other side.
Lord, give us eyes to see and a desire bridge the gap. Help us to use the language of love to communicate, educate, lift up, and encourage. Continue to break my heart until I see clearly what I need to do about it.
I’ve recently taken a break from my blog because of life’s distractions, general insecurity, and too many competing priorities.
Finally, I’m back! After several weeks of over-obligation, I decided to step back and just think. Hubby and I took a few days to get away, JUST the two of us, to a quiet spot in East Tennessee where we could be free of our responsibilities for a few short days. We did very little other than sleep late, read, talk, shop and eat. How’s that for the perfect couples get away?
While we were away I realized a few things. First, I have really missed writing. It’s something I deeply enjoy and it helps me to arrange the thoughts that swarm through my brain and put them on paper, to organize them, to read them more objectively, and to consider them on a deeper level. No matter what happens in the future, I will write, even if no one wants to read it. For me, this is a very exciting realization; I’m turning a new page.
Second, I make too many decisions based on what I think other people’s expectations are. I think most women do! So, I’m really trying hard to make decisions without weighting too heavily what other people will think. I barely have enough room in my brain for my own voice let alone these: my family, my kids, my boss, my coworkers and our congregation. I value the opinions of many of the people on this list. I understand that my decisions impact them in significant ways. But, only I can know what God is telling me. Only I can hear his voice to me. That should be the first place I turn, not the last. It seems that I often ask everyone around me what they think about a situation and then ask God “Which person’s opinion is right?” Most of the time I think his answer is “None of them!”
This quote from the great George Muller illustrates what I would like to someday say about how I’ve lived my life.
There was a day when I died, utterly died. Died to George Muller, his opinions, preferences, tastes and will — died to the world, its approval or censure — died to the approval or blame of even my brethren and friends — and since then I have studied to show myself approved only unto God.
Third, new levels of focus and self-discipline must erupt in my life to get where I believe God is leading. I don’t know exactly everything this means yet. Right now, it’s adjusting my schedule to make time for what God has called me to do. I want to say that I’m adjusting my schedule to make time for what I enjoy, because it’s partially true. Right now, what God has called me to is a task that I enjoy, but there are other things I enjoy that are going to take a back seat.
Finally on a lighter note, life is too short to be so blasted serious all the time! A good clean belly-laugh might do me good from time to time. My husband has taught me this lesson quite well recently. He and the kids made up a family song about our dog, Chewy. It was sparked by a comment I made about her incessant chewing and it will be forever imprinted into the minds of our children. Sometimes, I hear the kids singing it out loud to themselves in their room. Sometimes Chewy sings it herself (in a unique voice performed masterfully by my better-half). Rolling-on-the-floor-laughing is a mild description of our response to his heartening performance. I considered trying to sneak a video camera into this masterful family musical, but I will spare him a little bit of his dignity.
Sometimes, goofy is very good.
The march of life has been on my mind a great deal lately.
In my youth, I was in a hurry. I was in a hurry to be an adult, in a hurry to be self-sufficient, and in a hurry to get my life on a path. I believed that once I had set my course, found a career, and started my family that life would be in order. But a strange thing happened. As soon as I answered questions about who I would marry, what I was going to be when I grew up, and the general direction of my life, new questioned emerged. Where would we live? How we would pay the bills? How would I advance in my career? Once those questions were answered, another level of even more difficult questions emerged. How do I raise my children to make the most of their natural gifts and talents? How do we teach them about who God is and lead them into a relationship with Him? How do I keep my career in balance without missing my children’s childhood and still performing well at the office? How much is too much and what is the cost? And so it goes.
The ministry has given us the great privilege to make friends with people from many different stages of life. Without these experiences, I would have believed that people in their retirement years would be finished with the questions. Retirement is the pinnacle. They receive an income with no work responsibilities, their home is likely paid for, their kids are grown, and life should be freedom and bliss. But now I see these issues emerge in the lives of so many retirees:
There is a song by Sara Groves that captures the struggle so well. It’s called “What Do I Know” and you can listen to it here. The song chronicles Sara’s conversation with an 88 year-old friend.
What Do I Know, Sara Groves
I have a friend who just turned eighty-eight
and she just shared with me that she’s afraid of dying.
I sit here years from her experience
and try to bring her comfort.
I try to bring her comfort
But what do I know? What do I know?
She grew up singing about the glory land,
and she would testify how Jesus changed her life.
It was easy to have faith when she was 34,
but now her friends are dying, and death is at her door.
And what do I know? What do I know?
Well,I don’t know that there are harps in heaven,
Or the process for earning your wings.
I don’t know of bright lights at the ends of tunnels,
Or any of these things.
She lost her husband after 60 years,
and as he slipped away she still had things to say.
Death can be so inconvenient.
You try to live and love. It comes and interrupts.
And what do I know? What do I know?
Well,I don’t know that there are harps in heaven,
Or the process for earning your wings.
And I don’t know of bright lights at the ends of tunnels,
Or any of these things.
But I know to be absent from this body is to be present with the Lord,
and from what I know of him, that must be pretty good.
Oh, I know to be absent from this body is to be present with the Lord,
and from what I know of him, that must be very good.
So what’s the point of these heavy observations? The point is that we cannot rush through a phase of life because the elusive answer is just around the corner. Each phase of life has its mix of good and bad. For each unanswered question there are also great experiences and wonderful memories. There’s the thrill of the first taste of adult freedom, the excitement of a new job and broadened horizons, the first cry of a newborn, the joy of a giggling toddler, the fun of athletics and activities, and much, much more.
This all reminds me of what Jesus tells us in Matthew:
Matthew 6:19-21
Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.
v. 34
Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. (NIV)
And again, Solomon’s conclusions in Ecclesiastes:
Ecclesiastes 12:13
Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the whole duty of man. (ESV)
It sounds trite, but life really is a journey; worry is wasted energy; time doesn’t unwind; and, once a phase is gone, it does not come back. Slow down and enjoy life right where you are.
