Parenting is often a study in contrasts. Contrasts between parents and children. Contrasts between children. Contrasts within the same child. One moment a child can demonstrate selflessness, caring and sacrifice that will melt a mother’s heart. The very same day they can display selfishness that warrants criminal prosecution (I wish I were exaggerating). I had such a day with my dear 7 year-old daughter this weekend.
The best of times
It was picture day at our local Upwards Basketball League. I was standing with my daughter’s group waiting for the harried photographer to usher 7 pom-pom weilding girls into the make-shift photography studio. As a Valentine’s gift, the girls were given heart-shaped fold-out fans. In the midst of all the fun and excitement, one girl’s fan broke. Dejected, she immediately curled into a ball in the floor next to the water fountain. My sweet daughter comforted this friend by giving her the fan that she had been given. It was a beautiful moment. I nearly cried.
The worst of times
Later that day, after an outing with the family, this same sweet girl who selflessly gave her precious paper fan to a friend did something very, very bad. For her sake, I won’t go into the details except to say she could have been prosecuted. Her father and I discussed it, made her make ammends with those hurt by her behavior, and we provided an age appropriate, personally painful consequence.
In the same moment I felt love, pride, disappointment and pain. This little, blonde, 7-year-old, charisma-filled child overwhelmed my emotions. But she also made me think.
My daughter inherited something from me. It’s something that I inherited from my parents and something they inherited it from their parents. If you follow this family tree all the way back to it’s roots, you will end up at the garden of Eden.
Genesis 3:1-7
Now the serpent was more crafty than any other beast of the field that the Lord God had made.
He said to the woman, “Did God actually say, ‘You shall not eat of any tree in the garden’?” And the woman said to the serpent, “We may eat of the fruit of the trees in the garden, but God said, ‘You shall not eat of the fruit of the tree that is in the midst of the garden, neither shall you touch it, lest you die.’” But the serpent said to the woman, “You will not surely die. For God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.” So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was to be desired to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate, and she also gave some to her husband who was with her, and he ate.
The consequences of this behavior are seen a shortly thereafter:
Genesis 3:22-24
Then the Lord God said, “Behold, the man has become like one of us in knowing good and evil. Now, lest he reach out his hand and take also of the tree of life and eat, and live forever—” therefore the Lord God sent him out from the garden of Eden to work the ground from which he was taken. He drove out the man, and at the east of the garden of Eden he placed the cherubim and a flaming sword that turned every way to guard the way to the tree of life.
Did God still love Adam and Eve (and all humankind) after driving them out of the garden? Of course he did. John 3:16 confirms that. However, God did not sugar-coat, dismiss, or deminish the wrong done by Adam and Eve.
I wish that I could tell my children that after they do wrong that everything will be okay. I would love to tell them that the consequences for their bad decisions won’t be that bad. Sometimes, I want to protect them from those consequences. I want to tell them that if they do lots of good, then the bad they do can just be overlooked. The problem is that those things are not true.
There are certain truths that guide our universe. One of those is that we reap what we sow. When we choose God’s way and his path, we reap all the good he has for us. When we go our own way, we suffer needlessly. This is just as true for my sweet 7 year-old as it is for me. As hard as it is, I must help her to see that bad things happen when she chooses wrong. The goal is for her to learn these lessons while she is still small and the mistakes that she makes are also small.
My kids are just people. They have wonderful qualities and they each have their own challenges and struggles. Ultimately, their lives are their own and they will have to live with their choices. But as long as I can, I will do everything I can to help them see that their choices have a profound impact on the people they become. That includes allowing them to feel the pain of their wrong decisions and also to point out the benefits when they make right ones.
Lord, give us wisdom, grace, and mercy as they grow.
