Tag: Personal Growth

Seeking

searchingStarting today, I’m beginning a week long media fast.  For a whole week, there will be no:

Facebook.  Twitter. Blogs. Cable News. Internet News.  Talk Radio.  Internet Radio.  Music. NPR. Myspace.  Books.  Movies.  Television.

With the exception of the Bible, and a Bible study I’m currently committed to, the rest is off limits.

My goal is to remove some of the clutter from my mind.  I want to refocus on what is important.  I want to read God’s word like I’ve never seen it before.  I want to hear what He says, not what I’ve been taught.

Now that you think I’ve lost my mind, here’s the backstory . . .

This week, at a denominational convention, I sat in the audience and listened to two different young men as they poured out their hearts from the podium.  What they shared confirmed so much of what I’ve thought, felt, and observed about the modern Christian experience.  I commented on these ideas over a year ago in my Church is Broken post.

The first man has a deep love of the scriptures and the God they reveal.  With power and energy, he exuberantly declared  several psalms from memory leading us all in praise.  He has traveled the world serving others and loving people of all creeds.  He is working to heal a wounded church left heartbroken in the wake of failed leadership.  He is truly a man of God.  But in the midst of all of this he asks, “Do I really believe this book?  Not — do I believe it’s inerrant?  Not — do I believe it’s accurate?  But do I really believe its true?”

He isn’t questioning the reality of God or the sufficiency of Christ, he is questioning his own heart.  Questioning his own desire to follow.  Me too.

The second talked about his love for the church, God’s body on earth.  He talked about the disillusionment he experienced as he lead a ‘thriving’ congregation and the frustration he felt when his successful church didn’t resemble the biblical accounts in Acts.  He talked about leaving the church he founded because he was so troubled by the desparity between his successful church and the Bible.   After serious introspection, he returned to the church he founded with a new commitment to follow the example we see in Acts.  He is now following Christ by loving people in radical way.

A common thread became clear.  Each man is seeking after God.  They don’t want rules or religion.  They don’t want formalities and programs.  They want to know and follow God.  And not just as individuals, but in unity and communion with other people.

I have been deeply challenged.  As I look at my own life and as I look at my relationship with others both inside and outside the church, I know things aren’t as they should be.  But what troubles me most, is that I’ve known this for some time and have done nothing.  I’ve filled my head with so much information, that I have no room left to focus seriously on the only place where the answer can be found, God’s word.  Today, I’ve decided to do something.

In Jeremiah 29:13, God says:

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. (emphasis mine)

Today, I am taking You at Your word. I am seeking.

Author name:
Eyvonne
Publish date:
June 26th, 2009
Discussion:
2 Comments

Goofy is good

ChewyI’ve recently taken a break from my blog because of life’s distractions, general insecurity, and too many competing priorities.

Finally, I’m back!  After several weeks of over-obligation, I decided to step back and just think.  Hubby and I took a few days to get away, JUST the two of us, to a quiet spot in East Tennessee where we could be free of our responsibilities for a few short days.  We did very little other than sleep late, read, talk, shop and eat.  How’s that for the perfect couples get away?

While we were away I realized a few things.  First, I have really missed writing.  It’s something I deeply enjoy and it helps me to arrange the thoughts that swarm through my brain and put them on paper, to organize them, to read them more objectively, and to consider them on a deeper level.  No matter what happens in the future, I will write, even if no one wants to read it.  For me, this is a very exciting realization; I’m turning a new page.

Second, I make too many decisions based on what I think other people’s expectations are.  I think most women do!  So, I’m really trying hard to make decisions without weighting too heavily what other people will think.  I barely have enough room in my brain for my own voice let alone these:  my family, my kids, my boss, my coworkers and our congregation.  I value the opinions of many of the people on this list.  I understand that my decisions impact them in significant ways.  But, only I can know what God is telling me.  Only I can hear his voice to me.  That should be the first place I turn, not the last.  It seems that I often ask everyone around me what they think about a situation and then ask God “Which person’s opinion is right?”  Most of the time I think his answer is “None of them!”

This quote from the great George Muller illustrates what I would like to someday say about how I’ve lived my life.

There was a day when I died, utterly died. Died to George Muller, his opinions, preferences, tastes and will — died to the world, its approval or censure — died to the approval or blame of even my brethren and friends — and since then I have studied to show myself approved only unto God.

Third, new levels of focus and self-discipline must erupt in my life to get where I believe God is leading.  I don’t know exactly everything this means yet.  Right now, it’s adjusting my schedule to make time for what God has called me to do.  I want to say that I’m adjusting my schedule to make time for what I enjoy, because it’s partially true.  Right now, what God has called me to is a task that I enjoy, but there are other things I enjoy that are going to take a back seat.

Finally on a lighter note, life is too short to be so blasted serious all the time!  A good clean belly-laugh might do me good from time to time.  My husband has taught me this lesson quite well recently.  He and the kids made up a family song about our dog, Chewy.    It was sparked by a comment I made about her incessant chewing and it will be forever imprinted into the minds of our children.  Sometimes, I hear the kids singing it out loud to themselves in their room.  Sometimes Chewy sings it herself (in a unique voice performed masterfully by my better-half).  Rolling-on-the-floor-laughing is a mild description of our response to his heartening performance.  I considered trying to sneak a video camera into this masterful family musical, but I will spare him a little bit of his dignity.

Sometimes, goofy is very good.

Author name:
Eyvonne
Publish date:
May 14th, 2009
Discussion:
No Comments

What do I know?

The march of life has been on my mind a great deal lately.

In my youth, I was in a hurry.  I was in a hurry to be an adult, in a hurry to be self-sufficient, and in a hurry to get my life on a path.  I believed that once I had set my course, found a career, and started my family that life would be in order.  But a strange thing happened.  As soon as I answered questions about who I would marry, what I was going to be when I grew up, and the general direction of my life, new questioned emerged.  Where would we live?  How we would pay the bills?  How would I advance in my career?   Once those questions were answered, another level of even more difficult questions emerged.  How do I raise my children to make the most of their natural gifts and talents?  How do we teach them about who God is and lead them into a relationship with Him?  How do I keep my career in balance without missing my children’s childhood and still performing well at the office?  How much is too much and what is the cost?  And so it goes.

The ministry has given us the great privilege to make friends with people from many different stages of life.  Without these experiences, I would have believed that people in their retirement years would be finished with the questions.  Retirement is the pinnacle.  They receive an income with no work responsibilities, their home is likely paid for, their kids are grown, and life should be freedom and bliss.  But now I see these issues emerge in the lives of so many retirees:

  • Coping with the physical separation from children and grandchildren
  • Adjusting to a culture than is radically different than the one they grew up in
  • Personal illness or the illness of a spouse
  • Death of childhood friends
  • Troubled children or grandchildren
  • Learning to deal with grief and loss as a way of life

There is a song by Sara Groves that captures the struggle so well.   It’s called “What Do I Know” and you can listen to it here.  The song chronicles Sara’s conversation with an 88 year-old friend.

What Do I Know, Sara Groves

I have a friend who just turned eighty-eight
and she just shared with me that she’s afraid of dying.
I sit here years from her experience
and try to bring her comfort.
I try to bring her comfort
But what do I know? What do I know?
She grew up singing about the glory land,
and she would testify how Jesus changed her life.
It was easy to have faith when she was 34,
but now her friends are dying, and death is at her door.
And what do I know? What do I know?

Well,I don’t know that there are harps in heaven,
Or the process for earning your wings.
I don’t know of bright lights at the ends of tunnels,
Or any of these things.

She lost her husband after 60 years,
and as he slipped away she still had things to say.
Death can be so inconvenient.
You try to live and love. It comes and interrupts.
And what do I know? What do I know?

Well,I don’t know that there are harps in heaven,
Or the process for earning your wings.
And I don’t know of bright lights at the ends of tunnels,
Or any of these things.

But I know to be absent from this body is to be present with the Lord,
and from what I know of him, that must be pretty good.
Oh, I know to be absent from this body is to be present with the Lord,
and from what I know of him, that must be very good.

So what’s the point of these heavy observations?  The point is that we cannot  rush through a phase of life because the elusive answer is just around the corner.  Each phase of life has its mix of good and bad.   For each unanswered question there are also great experiences and wonderful memories.  There’s the thrill of the first taste of adult freedom, the excitement of a new job and broadened horizons, the first cry of a newborn, the joy of a giggling toddler, the fun of athletics and activities, and much, much more.

This all reminds me of what Jesus tells us in Matthew:

Matthew 6:19-21

Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

v.  34

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.  (NIV)

And again, Solomon’s conclusions in Ecclesiastes:

Ecclesiastes 12:13

Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the whole duty of man.  (ESV)

It sounds trite, but life really is a journey;  worry is wasted energy;  time doesn’t unwind;  and, once a phase is gone, it does not come back.  Slow down and enjoy life right where you are.

Thought Questions

  1. Have there been particular phases in your life that you rushed through because you thought the next one would be better?  What do you miss from that phase of life?
  2. What can you do today to start enjoying life more right where you are?

Author name:
Eyvonne
Publish date:
March 7th, 2009
Discussion:
1 Comment

. . . No Matter How I Feel

What is happiness?  Is it having the family all cuddled up on the couch in front of the fire?  Is happiness alone-time with a good book and no interruptions?  Is it the deep sense of satisfaction for having done a good days work or helping someone in need?

The emotion of happiness is elusive.  It is temporary and fleeting.  It blows in like the breeze and then blows out again.  But so often, that feeling is the holy grail of our experience.  We chase it.  We yearn for it.  Many have made life altering decisions in the name of “happiness” only to realize their pursuit was in vain.  In light of all of this, where do we look to find the answer?

We need a standard with which to measure our decisions.  I have seen enough bad decisions in the name of happiness to know it cannot be my guidepost.  As we discussed last time, Solomon came to the following conclusion after his journey to find meaning:

Ecclesiastes 12:13

Now all has been heard;
here is the conclusion of the matter:
Fear God and keep his commandments,
for this is the whole duty of man.

What do I do when I don’t feel happy?  The answer is to fear God and keep his commandments.  I have a saying that keeps me grounded when I don’t feel like things are moving in the right direction.

God’s word is true, no matter how I feel.

When I feel like God is not there, I remember that his word says he’ll never leave me or forsake me (Hebrews 13:5).  When I feel unworthy, I remember that ‘he who knew no sin became sin for me so that in him I might become the righteousness of God’ (2 Corinthians 5:21) .  Then I also remember these pertinent verses that help reinforce this truth.

Proverbs 3:5-6

Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make your paths straight.

Philippians 1:6

He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.

Jeremiah 29:11

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Matthew 6:28-34

“And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Thought Questions:

  • Are there other verses that provide encouragement when you feel down?
  • What do you think of the statement “God’s word is true no matter how I feel?”  Do you think that concept would help you during a difficult time?
This post is in response to MamaBlogga’s Group Writing Project. It’s been fun and has made me think a little harder, which is a great thing.  Check back on Thursday for a link to my favorite contributor to this project.

Author name:
Eyvonne
Publish date:
February 3rd, 2009
Discussion:
2 Comments

Surrender, Self-will, and the Death of Me

Does God really answer prayer?  Where is He in our world?  Is He still active or has he finally tired of His rebellious creation and just left us to our own devices?

How do we deal with these questions?  God offers us assuring answers in the Bible.  However, we must also ask, “If God Word is really true, where is the evidence?”  If God’s word is true, I should be able to see evidence of that truth in the world around me.  If it is only a theoretical truth, and cannot be actively demonstrated in this world, then it might as well be a fairy tale.

Some will answer these questions by saying, “Well, we just have to have faith.”  But in response, one could ask, “Faith in what?  Faith that God is there, but he really doesn’t do anything and really won’t intervene in the world?  What good is that?”  The ‘faithful’ may respond with mumblings and a few cryptic-sounding verses, but in the end it all sounds hollow.

I have seen God act radically in the lives of people in answers to prayer.  But sometimes, I need a reminder of how powerful he is and what he will do in the lives of those that are completely committed to him.

I’ve just finished reading George Müller, Delighted in God by Roger Steer for the second time.  Every time I read it, God uses a message from this book to speak to me in a new and fresh way.

Müller set out to display the power of God in our world by establishing a home for orphans purely and simply by relying on God.  He took in the first handful of orphans in April of 1836 and by the time of his death 62 years later, he had cared for 10,000 children and had been given nearly £1,500,000 for the work.   He also sponsored missionaries all over the world and distributed millions of Bibles, Testaments, and religious books.   He had no active profession that paid a salary; he depended solely on God to provide for his needs.  Here is his mission in his own words:

Now, if I, a poor man, simply by prayer and faith, obtained without asking any individual, the means for establishing and carrying on an Orphan-House; there would be something which, with the Lord’s blessing, might be instrumental in strengthening the faith of the children of God, besides being a testimony to the consciences of the unconverted, of the reality of the things of God. (p. 237)

There is so much to say about his life, but this particular interchange is what has captured my attention:

‘What is the secret of your service for God?’ someone once asked Müller.

‘There was a day when I died, utterly died,’ he replied, and as he spoke he bent lower and lower until he almost touched the floor, ‘died to George Müller, his opinions, preferences, tastes and will — died to the world, its approval or censure — died to the approval or blame of even my brethren and friends — and since then I have studied to show myself approved only unto God.’ (p. 227)

Müller’s response brings to mind the words of Jesus from the book of John:

John 12:24: Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit. (ESV)

John15:4-5: Remain in me, and I will remain in you.  No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine.  Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.  I am the vine; you are the branches.  If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.

And also the words of Paul in Galatians 2:20:

I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.

I don’t yet know the answer to how one dies to self.  But I do know that every mightily-used servant of God has done it.  Oddly, none of them provide any details on how it happened, just that it did indeed happen.  Lord Jesus, show the way.

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Author name:
Eyvonne
Publish date:
December 28th, 2008
Discussion:
No Comments
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